Dirty Little Secret
by acsbabyangelgirl
Summary: At the end of yet another relationship, Olivia finds solace in the worst place of all. Rating subject to change.
1. A Guy Named Jack Daniels

**Dirty Little Secret**

Summary: After the end of yet another relationship, Olivia finds solace in the worst place of all.

A/n: As anyone who has been reading my work can tell, I have entirely too many ideas.

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Law & Order: SVU, nor do I own the characters I mention that are on the show. If I did, there would be lots of flying monkeys, Cassidy would still be on the SVU, and there would be more ****FEMALE** **detectives on the show.**

Olivia stared down the bottle of Jack Daniels from across the kitchen. She'd pulled it out and started to pour herself a shot, before catching herself and retreating to the table. That had been an hour ago, and she was still staring.

The telephone rang, but Olivia let the answering machine pick it up. It wasn't her cell, so it wasn't important. She could ignore the person on the other end of that line for a while longer, and it wouldn't really hurt anyone. Her answering machine couldn't hurt anyone as much as she was hurting right now. Only she didn't have the privilege of trying again later. It was over. He'd moved on, and left her for a dental hygienist. It wasn't until now, a day later, that she realized he'd been with the dental hygienist the whole time. He hadn't realized how serious she thought their relationship had been.

Of course, Olivia Benson should have known better. He was just like Nick Ganzner… dating a cop for his own means. To him, she had been nothing more than a quick fling. Just a dumb cop that thought a lawyer like him could love her. He'd used her the same way Ganzner had used her. He needed information, and she was the easy way to get that information. Forget actually waiting until he was supposed to receive the info. So now Casey was pissed off at her, as well as about half of the DA's office, and Trevor was looking like a hero to his baby raping client.

Olivia finally conceded to the urge to drink and got up, pouring herself a shot of whiskey. It burned going down, but the sensation simply reassured her that she was still capable of feeling. She poured another and downed it as well, before taking the shot glass and alcohol into the living room with her. She sat down on the couch, turned on the television, and proceeded to drink away all of her memories of Trevor.

**1234567890**

Elliot knocked on Olivia's door. He had a key, but he tried not to use it. She was a woman with a gun and insanely quick reflexes.

When she didn't come to the door, he knocked again. "Olivia, open up," he called. Finally, he heard the deadbolt unlock and the door opened. She was still wearing the same clothes she'd had on the day before, and he could see that her eyes appeared glazed and unfocused. "Liv?"

"I'm sorry, I must have overslept," she said. He noticed that she was staring down towards the floor, and he lifted her chin to look into her face.

"Olivia, look at me," he commanded. She looked into his eyes for a moment before pulling herself away. It was just long enough for him to see that they were bloodshot; she'd gotten herself plastered. "Liv, you of all people…"

"Should know better. I know," she replied, turning away from him.

"What happened?" he asked, knowing it must be something monumental to cause her to drink. She refused to look at him, choosing instead to clean up the remnants of her whiskey binge. "Liv, what happened?"

"Do you ever get that feeling that… what the hell am I saying? Of course you wouldn't know what the hell I'm talking about. You've been married… had kids," she muttered, shaking her head. Elliot sighed.

"What did he do to you?" Elliot asked.

"Cheated, with a dental hygienist," she said, looking back up at him with a whiskey bottle in one hand and two shot glasses in the other. She weighed the glasses in her hand before setting them back down to prevent herself from throwing them. The last thing she needed was a bigger mess to clean up. "The whole damn time, Elliot. Not just at the end. He started seeing her a week after we started dating!"

"How did you find out?" he asked.

"I walked in on them… at his office… doing it on his desk!" She dropped the bottle of whiskey, but it landed on the couch and it was closed, so there wasn't any mess. She ran her fingers through her hair and then sat down next to the bottle. She reached for it, but Elliot moved swiftly to take it away from her.

"No more alcohol, Liv," he said.

"I'm just so damn sick of it, El! Every time I find something good, either my job freaks the guy out or he finds something better. Every damn time!" She looked away from him. "Just go, El. I'll call in sick."

"So you can drink some more?" he asked. He knew that she was in dangerous territory.

"I don't know yet," she replied. He sighed, knowing that at least she was being honest.

"I'm not going to leave you here alone. Not with this," he said, holding up the bottle.

"Then throw it out."

"You can get more."

"Take my wallet, then. I'm not going anywhere," she said. "He used me. Just like Ganzner. Only this time I can't just walk into his office and make him look like an ass."

"Olivia…"

"Casey hates me now. It's not like I gave him anything on purpose! He lied to me… I thought he was better than that." Elliot sat down next to her, putting the whiskey bottle at his feet. Olivia leaned over and buried her face into his shoulder. She didn't want to seem weak, but at the same time she couldn't take it any longer. "I actually thought I was in love this time. I don't know who I was kidding… I'm not capable of loving anyone. I'm unlovable. My mother was always right."

"Olivia, don't say that," Elliot began. She pushed him away.

"Don't shit with me, El! You don't know!"

"I don't know because you won't tell me," he said. He wasn't accusing or angry. He was simply stating the facts. "Why won't you tell me?" he asked.

"You don't need to know all the sordid details. You know what you need to know." She turned her back to him.

"Olivia, I can't help you if you push me away," he said. He slowly put his right hand on her shoulder.

"Who ever said I needed help?" she asked.

"A guy named Jack Daniels."


	2. You're Only Human

**Dirty Little Secret**

A/n: I'm trying to work quickly on this one. It's been in the works for a couple of months already (I've had a few bad bouts with writer's block).

Olivia watched from the couch as Elliot poured the entire contents of the whiskey bottle down the drain. She knew he was right, but at the same time she knew that she wanted that alcohol more than anything. She finally forced herself to turn and look away, as he put the cap back on the now empty bottle and threw it in the garbage. She closed her eyes when he began to walk back towards her, not opening them until he sat down at her feet.

"Tell me." It wasn't a question, nor was it a command. It was a request.

"I can't."

"Why not?" he asked.

"It's a long story, El," she told him.

"We've got all day. Tell me."

"You know the basics already. My mom was raped, my father was her rapist, she turned into an alcoholic."

"Yeah, I know." Olivia shut her eyes, willing the images to go away.

"She quit drinking when I started at the Academy, but I knew she started back. She was drunk the night she died," Olivia told him. She'd had friends who kept that part quiet, for her sake. She knew her mother's alcoholism brought up lots of painful questions. "When I was little…"

**1234567890**

_Five year old Olivia sat at the kitchen table, drawing a picture. Her mother was staring out the window, with a glass of vodka in her hand. Without realizing it, Olivia begins to hum a song from a Shirley Temple movie she'd watched at a neighbor's house the day before._

_"What is that noise!" her mother asked. Olivia looked up, startled._

_"I… I was just humming," she said, keeping her voice low. She'd learned how to speak to her mother in a way that usually wouldn't make her even angrier._

_"What were you humming?"_

_"I… I don't know. I heard it on the television," Olivia replied. Her mother turned around and threw down her glass._

_"What did I tell you about the television!" her mother screamed. Olivia winced._

_"That I'm not allowed to turn it on, because I might break it," Olivia answered._

_"And you deliberately disobeyed me?"_

_"No, I saw it at Miss Sarah's!"_

_"Don't lie to me, Olivia!"_

**1234567890**

Elliot could see that Olivia didn't want to continue, so he didn't force her. Instead, he gently pulled her closer to him, trying to let her know that he wasn't judging her.

"It's okay, Liv."

"She… she was so angry. I tried to tell her that I hadn't broken the rules, but she wouldn't listen," Olivia said. Elliot could tell she was forcing herself to continue.

"You don't have to go on if you don't want to," he told her.

"If I don't, I'll never tell you the rest." Olivia drew in a long breath before continuing.

**1234567890**

_Olivia's mother stormed across the kitchen and pulled her daughter up off of her chair. "Why did you disobey me? Do you try to make me angry, is that it? You want to be punished?" she asked. Olivia tried as hard as she could not to cry out. Her mother kept pulling on her arm. "Answer me, damnit!"_

_"No, Mommy! Please, don't!" she whimpered. Her mother shook her._

_"I said answer me!"_

_"Please, stop!"_

**1234567890**

Olivia pulled up her shirt sleeve, exposing seven round scars on the soft underside of her upper arm. Cigarette burns. "That was the first time she ever hurt me, physically. I was five." Elliot gave her a hug, knowing it was killing her to tell him this. He remembered how much it hurt when he'd been forced to relive his own experience, and he hated to see her in that kind of pain.

"Sixteen was the worst of all," she whispered. "Did I ever tell you that I was engaged once?"

"No," he said, shaking his head. She nodded.

"I was sixteen, and he was twenty-one. He was one of my mother's students, in graduate school," she told him. She smiled, almost as if she was remembering something wonderful, but her face instantly clouded over into the familiar look of hurt she had displayed for most of the morning. "I made the mistake of telling my mother while she was sober. She was a violent drunk, but even worse sober. She literally dropped a full bottle of vodka in shock. She started screaming at me, telling me I was going to throw my life away. And then she picked up a piece of glass… she just started coming at me, and I was so scared. I kicked her, and she landed against the wall. And I just left her there. I didn't know what else to do."

Elliot just listened, letting Olivia tell him what she wanted to. "My mom and I didn't talk again until I went to the Academy. I left her house that day, and I didn't go back there until she died. We were just starting to put things back together when she died."

"She did more damage than you're telling me about, didn't she?" Elliot asked, knowing he wouldn't like the answer.

"I don't even remember what all the scars were for anymore. I was her punching bag when I was little. That's all she thought I was good for," Olivia told him. She turned to face him and once again buried her face into the collar of his dress shirt. He had no idea how to comfort her, but he was determined to help in any way he could.

"She was wrong about you. Look at the amazing person you've become," he told her. She sat up and stared at him.

"Amazing? I'm sitting here, self destructing over a stupid relationship, and you call me amazing?" she asked. She couldn't believe he would say that, lie to her face like that. She knew that she was showing weakness, and he was telling her that he didn't think any less of her for it.

"Liv, you put your past behind you every day to help people that are being hurt, just like you and your mom were hurt. I'd call that pretty amazing," he told her.

"I'm weak, Elliot! Not amazing. Just stop lying to me," she said, standing up and moving away from him. He shook his head, knowing he's probably screwed up.

"You've made the best of a bad situation. Your mom chose alcohol, but you chose to help others who were hurting. And everyone's allowed to be weak some times. You don't have to be a brick wall," he told her, standing up and following her. "It's okay to let yourself be vulnerable some times. It's only human. You're only human."


	3. Just Listen to Me

**Dirty Little Secret**

A/n: Know what's funny? I just realized that 6 of my 10 stories have titles that come from The All-American Rejects. Another is the title of a Brad Paisley song, one is an episode name in Spanish, and the last two just sort of came to me, though I think one is an episode name and I just can't remember.

Olivia slowly sat up and looked around the room. She glanced at the clock and sighed knowing that she'd really screwed it up this time. She'd let Elliot see her at her most vulnerable, and she doubted that he'd ever be able to trust her instincts or skills again.

She forced herself to get out of the bed and dressed for work, knowing that Elliot would be there to pick her up soon. She tried to force on a strong face, but at the moment she felt anything but. Exposing her weak spots made her feel vulnerable. She knew Elliot wasn't the type to use it against her, or to even tell anyone else, but she also knew that if he thought something was wrong, he wouldn't hesitate to mention it.

She slipped her gun and handcuffs into their spots on her belt and put on her jacket before picking up her keys and walking out her door. She double checked that her badge was in her coat pocket before locking her door and walking down the hall, towards the stairs. She went down the three flights to the ground floor, where Elliot was waiting for her.

"Morning," he said, sliding back into the driver's side of the car.

"Morning." She buckled her seatbelt and waited for him to get the car back out into traffic before she said anything. "Listen, about yesterday…" she started.

"Don't worry about it," he replied.

"Just keep it to yourself, okay?" she asked.

"Like I said, don't worry about it. I'm your partner, you told me something in confidence. End of story," he replied. Olivia turned and looked out the window. "You know I'm here for you, if you want to talk. Always have been."

"I know," she whispered. She continued to stare out the window as they drove to the precinct.

**1234567890**

Olivia looked up as Cragen dropped a folder onto her desk. "What's this?" she asked, looking up as he passed folders to everyone else. She opened it and groaned. "Why does IAB love to screw with us?"

"We're easy targets," Elliot replied. "Psych eval? Come on."

"I'm not any happier about it than you are. Some genius in IAB has decided that we must be insane to take this job," Cragen told them. "The doc will be here first thing in the morning."

As Cragen walked back to his office, Elliot glanced up at Olivia. He knew that if she didn't pull herself together, and fast, she would fail. Before he could think of some way to bring it up, Cragen reappeared with a slip of paper in his hand. "Who's catching?"

"That would be us," Olivia replied, pushing back her chair. Cragen handed the address to Elliot, and the two quickly made their way out to the sedan.

"You okay?" Elliot asked, sliding into the driver's side. Olivia nodded.

"But ask me again after tomorrow," she said. She quietly folded her arms over the seatbelt and stared out the front window of the car.

**1234567890**

Olivia wearily forced herself up the stairs to her apartment. She was exhausted, but she never took the elevator. She sure as hell wasn't about to let a little thing like sleep deprivation keep her from staying in shape. She rounded the corner to her apartment and stopped in her tracks. Trevor was leaning against her door, flowers in hand, obviously practicing some big speech about how he was wrong and he wanted another chance. Before she could decide what to do, he caught sight of her.

"Olivia." She brushed past him to her door.

"Leave me alone, Trevor," she said. She unlocked her door and went in, attempting to shut the door behind her. He forced it open again before it closed.

"Listen to me, Liv," he begged. She turned around, eyes blazing in fury.

"Get the hell out of my apartment." She moved towards the door and attempted to push him back through the doorway.

"Just listen to me, damnit!" he yelled, pushing back. She wasn't expecting his sudden burst of anger, and fell back onto the hard wooden floor. She forced herself backwards and then into a standing position as he came towards her, ignoring the pain in her wrist. "Olivia…" he began, shocked at himself.

"Leave," she said, staring daggers at him.

"Liv, please, just let me take you…"

"LEAVE!" Trevor quietly complied, shutting the door behind himself, leaving the flowers on the counter next to the door. As the door clicked shut, Olivia moved to the couch. She quietly inspected the damage to her rapidly swelling wrist, knowing it was broken. Sighing, she pulled herself off of the couch and fumbled through the phone book to call for a cab.

**1234567890**

Olivia slid on an old sweater, one she knew had sleeves that were too long. Long enough to hide the cast covering her wrist. She'd spent three hours in the emergency room, and she was still exhausted from the experience.

She quickly grabbed her stuff and hurried down the stairs to the car, where Elliot was once again waiting for her. "You okay?" he asked.

"Fine," she said, climbing into the car. She buckled her seatbelt, forgetting to hide her cast. Before she realized it, Elliot gently took her hand.

"What happened?" he asked, turning the car on. Olivia looked away.

"It was nothing," she said. He looked at her, eyebrows raised.

"Nothing? You call a broken arm nothing?"

"Just drop it, okay? I fell, that's all," she said. Instead of just accepting her answer, he stared at her harder.

"Why didn't you call me? I would have come…"

"Elliot, the last thing you need right now is to worry about me. Just forget about it, okay?" she said. He knew it was a question he wasn't meant to answer, but he couldn't help it.

"Fine. But we're not finished with this conversation."

"I think we are."


	4. As A Friend

**Dirty Little Secret**

A/n: Wow. Just, wow. I honestly didn't think this was THAT good… thanks for the great reviews, y'all. 20... For just three chapters… wow.

"Would you just stop?" Olivia asked, finally looking up at her partner. He had been stealing glances for the past twenty minutes, and it was driving her insane.

"Will you please just tell me what happened?" he asked. She sighed.

"Like I said before, I fell."

"Bull."

"You weren't there, how would you know?" she asked. He was really beginning to drive her crazy, so much so that she was praying he would catch a case and get out of her hair for a while. Or at least find something else to occupy his mind.

"I know you better than that, Liv. You're lying to me. Tell me what happened," he said.

"Just give it a rest, Stabler. I fell. You don't need to know why or how, or anything else for that matter. So just leave me alone," she said, returning to her paperwork.

**1234567890**

"Benson." Olivia looked up from her desk at Cragen, who had come out of his office. She got up and walked into his office, unsure of what was about to happen. Cragen closed the door and then sat down behind his desk. "Sit."

"Is something wrong?" she asked, sitting down.

"I should be asking you that question. What's going on?" he asked. She shook her head.

"Nothing. I've just been a little preoccupied lately. That's all," she said.

"No, Liv, that's not all. What happened?"

"I fell."

"The truth, Olivia," Cragen said.

"I was pushed," she said, refusing to look at him.

"By whom?" he asked. Olivia didn't answer. "Liv, who pushed you?" She still didn't reply. "Olivia, just tell me what happened." Olivia sighed and turned to stare out one of the windows.

"When I got home last night, Trevor was waiting for me outside my apartment. He said he wanted to talk, but I didn't want to listen to him. I told him to leave, and tried to shut the door in his face. He wouldn't let me, and I tried to force him to leave. He… he got mad and pushed me. I told him to leave again, and he left."

"Was it the first time?" he asked. Olivia nodded.

"Yeah." She turned to look at him. "I'm not reporting it."

"Olivia," he said, looking into her eyes.

"If he comes near me again, I will. I just can't do that yet."

"Why not? What else has he done to make you afraid of him? Did he threaten you?"

"I'm not afraid of Trevor Langan," she said.

"Then why aren't you reporting it?"

"I'm a cop, Don. We've already got IAB and the Morris Commission up our asses constantly. Do you really want to find out what they would do if I reported it? He slipped, lost his temper. I can forgive him once," she said. Cragen nodded.

"Fine. But if he even shows up to talk to you…"

"I'll call. Promise."

**1234567890**

Olivia got up from her desk and began putting on her jacket, laughing at some stupid theory John had just recited.

"Know what, when you find those little robots, give me a call. I wanna see them," Fin said. John just gave him a 'look' over the top of his glasses.

"Laugh all you want. One of these days, someone will find conclusive evidence of them."

"Benson." All four detectives looked up at Cragen, who was once again standing in his office doorway, waiting for Olivia. She sighed and headed into his office for the second time that day. Cragen closed the door behind her

"Is something wrong?" she asked. Cragen handed her a folder, which she opened. "What is this?" she asked, reading through the notes at the bottom.

"The psych evaluation. Yours." She stared down at the words, allowing them to sink in.

"The shrink thinks I'm crazy?" she asked.

"She doesn't think you're crazy, Olivia," he told her.

"Then what?"

"She thinks you need help dealing with… certain things that happened in the past," he said. He hated to have this talk with her, but he had to. It was his job.

"My mom," Olivia stated. Cragen nodded. "So, what? What's the verdict?"

"Her suggestion was that you see a psychiatrist."

"I hate shrinks," she replied.

"I can't force you to do this, Olivia. As long as you're not a liability, I've got no say. But I'm asking you, as a friend, just to give it a chance."

"Yeah."


	5. Us No Longer Exists

**Dirty Little Secret**

A/n: Just a little clarification, cause I know some of you are wondering… this isn't an OE fic. As of right now, I'm not planning on having any relationships, other than what's going on with Olivia and Trevor.

Olivia stared down at the bottle of beer in front of her. "Drowning your sorrows?" a familiar voice asked. She looked up and into the eyes of Brian Cassidy.

"Hey Brian."

"What's got you so down in the dumps that you're sitting in a bar by yourself?" he asked.

"Psych evaluations," she replied.

"Ouch."

"Tell me about it."

"It's bad?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

"I'm lucky Cragen hasn't put me on ass duty," she replied, twirling her beer around so that the label was facing the opposite direction.

"What? They think you're about to become some psycho axe murderer or something?" he asked, causing her to smile.

"Nothing that bad," she replied.

"Okay, so back to my original question: What's got you so down in the dumps that you're sitting in a bar by yourself?" he asked again. She looked up and turned to him.

"Honestly, I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. Everything's changing."

"What's changing?" he asked. He didn't know where this was going to go, but he knew that at this moment she really needed a friend. He just wanted to be that friend.

"Everything. You know, I actually fooled myself into believing that all those years with my mom didn't affect me," she told him.

"You had all of us fooled when I was in SVU. I'm guessing you still fool most of them."

"Everyone but Elliot." She looked down at the beer again and her head shot up. "I should go."

"Liv…" he began. She got up and took her jacket.

"I shouldn't be here," she said. Brian nodded and stood up.

"Okay, then I'll walk you home," he said. As much as he knew she wanted to be away from him, his instincts also told him that leaving her alone was a bad idea.

"Brian…"

"No buts. I'm not letting you walk home by yourself," he said. She sighed and nodded, not in the mood to fight him at the moment.

"Fine."

**1234567890**

Olivia unlocked the front door of her building. "Thanks, Brian," she said. She turned and walked into the building as he walked back to the bar. As she walked up the stairs, she could hear someone banging on a door. As the noise became louder, she also heard a voice to go along with the pounding.

"Come on, Olivia. Just open the damn door. I'm sorry," Trevor said. She stood at the top of the stairs, watching him.

"Who the hell let you in?" she asked, startling him.

"Olivia…"

"Who let you in?" she asked again.

"Liv, I'm so sorry…"

"I don't give a damn. Who let you in?" She watched him closely, afraid to go near him. She gently pushed her jacket back, exposing her holstered weapon and praying he would take the hint.

"Olivia…" He began slowly moving toward her. Her hand moved closer to the gun.

"Don't come anywhere near me." She watched as he put his hands up in what she thought was defeat.

"I won't touch you this time, I promise. I just wanted to apologize for the other day," he told her. He moved back, well past her door. "I'm sorry."

"Trevor, you can say that as many times as you want, and it still won't make it true," she reminded him. She moved slowly toward her door, keys in hand. Before she knew it, he was standing right next her.

"I do mean it, Liv," he whispered. "I want to make this work. I want to make us work." She turned sharply and looked at him.

"Get it through your thick skull, Trevor. 'Us' no longer exists." She watched as his eyes betrayed his emotions. He was pissed off. Even worse than before.

A/n: Haha! Cliffhanger! I'm not actually going to write out every detail of what happens next, but it'll be obvious later on. I promise. And the whole story will be told. Just be patient!


	6. I Just Wanted Her to Listen

**Dirty Little Secret**

A/n: Hey now, I said I wasn't going to tell what happened word for word… And hello… this is me we're talking about. Cliffhangers are to be expected… anyone who has been reading my work for any period of time should realize that.

Olivia moaned softly, just enough to jerk Elliot awake. "El?" she whispered, turning her head to look at him.

"Yeah, I'm here," he said, gently squeezing the hand he'd been holding since he'd arrived.

"Trevor…" she began.

"I know," Elliot cut her off. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Afraid," she replied. At that moment, her head was spinning too much to make a coherent sentence. "You'd think weak."

"Olivia, no one thinks you're weak," he told her. The fact that she cared about how the guys saw her blew his mind. He'd never realized that she felt like she had to hide things so that they would respect her. "You can't control what he does, you know that."

"Could have stopped him," she whispered, closing her eyes.

"He caught you off guard. He's bigger and probably stronger than you are, Liv. Even on a good day it would be hard for you to defend yourself against him," Elliot told her. He gently squeezed her hand. "Don't blame yourself for this, Liv. You know as well as I do that it isn't your fault."

**1234567890**

Trevor Langan sat in an interrogation room of the sixteenth precinct. Only this time, he wasn't the lawyer, there to save the day. He was the perp. The person who would soon have his ass handed to him on a silver platter by one Casey Novak. He watched in silence as two detectives strode into the room. "Mr. Langan, I presume?" Munch asked.

"I'm sorry," he said, just sitting there. He stared down at the top of the table. "I'm going to confess, but I want you to tell Olivia that I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt her… I just lost control."

"What happened?" Fin asked him, sitting down across the table.

"Where should I begin?"

"What happened two nights ago?" Munch asked, referring to Olivia's broken arm.

"She was pissed off at me… I deserved it, of course. I went to her apartment, just to talk. I knew she wouldn't talk to me on the phone. One of her neighbors let me in… I went up and waited outside her door. I figured I could catch her as she went in, and she might talk to me, but when she showed up, she was just mad. She refused to listen, so I followed her into her apartment. She tried to force me to leave… I just lost it, and pushed her back. I didn't mean to hurt her, I just wanted her to listen to me," Trevor told them.

"What about last night?" Fin asked.

"I went over to apologize. I was knocking on her door, trying to get her to listen to me, when she came up the stairs. She was really upset that I'd gotten back into the building. I tried to talk to her, but she wouldn't listen… I just wanted her to listen," he said. He buried his face in his hands.

"What did you do?" Munch asked. He hated this man, yet at the same time he understood him. How many times had he felt like hurting someone when one of his ex-wives refused to listen to him?

"I… I just picked her up, and I pushed her into the wall. She tried so hard to get away, and I didn't realize the stairs were right there… I didn't want to hurt her, I just wanted her to listen."

**1234567890**

Elliot walked down the hall to the vending machine in silence. Olivia had fallen asleep again, and he was sick of just sitting there doing nothing. He pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and looked out the window that was at the end of the hall, next to the vending machines, silently dialing Captain Cragen's number.

"Cragen."

"Don, it's Elliot," he replied.

"Hey. How's she doing?"

"Out of it. I tried to talk to her, but I'm not even sure she understood what she was saying," Elliot told him. He heard Cragen sigh over the telephone.

"Langan confessed. Turned himself in."

"When's arraignment?" Elliot asked.

"In a couple of hours. I'll call you if something goes wrong," Cragen told him.

"Thanks Cap."

"Elliot, you should go home and get some sleep. You know she doesn't want you to wear yourself out."

"When she wakes up again, I'll go home."


	7. Thrown Out of the Bar

**Dirty Little Secret**

Olivia watched in silence, arms crossed as well as she could considering the fact that she had a cast on her wrist, as John Munch attempted to navigate her kitchen. He'd been nice enough to drive her home when she'd been released from the hospital, but now he was becoming annoying.

"John, go back to work," she called, moving so that her feet were on the floor. She slowly pushed herself up into a standing position, ignoring the nagging pain in her ribs. He turned and looked at her as she slowly began making her way into the kitchen.

"Liv, you need to rest…" he began.

"I spent the last three days in the hospital resting. I'll be fine, okay? Just go, I'm sure Cragen needs you for something," she told him. He looked down at the pot and can of soup he was holding.

"At least let me make you some lunch," he tried.

"I'm really not hungry, John. I'm just going to go take a nap," she told him. She turned and began slowly walking towards her bedroom. He watched in silence, before setting down the pot and can on the counter.

"I'll leave it out for you, okay?"

"Fine. Thanks, John," she said, walking into her room and closing the door. He turned and left the apartment, knowing she would be pissed if he didn't.

**1234567890**

Olivia stared around her bedroom, not wanting to get out of the bed. She was comfortable for the moment, and she knew that as soon as she tried to move she would wish she hadn't. But she had work to do. She wasn't going to let a few rib fractures keep her from doing her job. So, instead of resting, as her doctor had told her to do, she got up and began the slow process of getting ready for work.

After what seemed like forever, she was finally ready to go. She called for a cab, knowing Elliot would never come pick her up. He was stubborn, but she could be even more so.

**1234567890**

Elliot let himself in the front door of Olivia's building, knowing exactly what she was planning. They'd been partners for eight years… he knew her better than he knew his social security number. But he also had another reason for coming. Trevor Langan had plead not guilty, which Casey had neglected to mention until the day before. So now he was the one who had to break the bad news to Olivia… she had to testify against him. Casey was working on a plea agreement, but from what she said it wasn't going very well. If it ended up in trial, Olivia's testimony would be the deciding factor.

He stopped at Olivia's apartment door and knocked. It only took her a moment to open the door, so he knew that he had been correct in his assumption that she would try to go to work anyway.

"Going somewhere?" he asked, forcing a smile.

"You came to pick me up?"

"Not exactly," he replied. "Let's go inside." He motioned into the apartment. Without a word, Olivia turned and began making her way back to her couch. Elliot followed, shutting the door behind him. When they were both finally seated, Olivia looked up at him expectantly.

"What's so bad that Cragen sent you all the way out here to tell me?" she asked.

"Langan plead not guilty. Casey's working on a deal, but so far he's not buying," Elliot told her. She nodded.

"Okay. But that still doesn't explain why you're all the way out here when you're supposed to be working," she replied.

"Liv, you know that IAB is investigating, right?" he asked. She closed her eyes and sighed.

"I figured they might."

"There are people in the brass who want you out of SVU."

"What's Cragen saying?" she asked.

"Not too much that I'm willing to repeat," he said, garnering a half-hearted smile. Olivia got up and went over to the kitchen counter. She lifted her gun and stared at it for a moment, before bringing it back to the couch. "Here." She held it out to him by the barrel, allowing him to take the handle.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I can't shoot with a broken arm. Besides, I don't want IAB to have anything against me," she told him.

"You had it when he attacked you?" Elliot asked, somewhat shocked.

"Yeah. And I didn't use it," she replied.

"Why not? You could have stopped him…"

"And lost my badge in the process? Not an option," she said. He just nodded, still amazed that she'd had the self control to not shoot Trevor Langan. "Besides, I was out before I had the chance to pull it."

**1234567890**

Casey Novak walked into the room and looked at Trevor Langan, sitting across the table in his blue orange jumpsuit. "Casey. Can't say it's a surprise," he said, smiling.

"Can it. Did you think about the deal?" she asked.

"Can't say that I have. I don't know, that's still a lot of time," he replied. "If that's the only offer, I'd rather take my chances with a jury."

"You're pretty cocky, considering that your victim is not only alive, but remembers everything," Casey replied.

"In case you're forgetting, Detective Benson is a rather… _unstable_ woman."

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" Casey asked. As far as she was concerned, he didn't have a leg to stand on.

"From what I hear, she's gotten even worse than that partner of hers… I have it on good authority that she didn't do so well on a psych evaluation recently," he said, leaning back in his chair. He put his feet up on the table and laced his fingers behind his head. "Mommy issues."

"Which has absolutely nothing to do with this case," she replied. She sat down in the chair across from him.

"Oh, but it does. All I have to prove is that she's an - pardon the phrase - 'attention whore.'"

"You have no proof of that, nor can you prove anything about that psych evaluation. It's confidential, only IAB has access to it," Casey reminded him. "And if I so much as hear that you've got a copy, I'll report you to the ethics committee. Not that it'll matter… the trouble you're already in is enough to have you thrown out of the bar."


	8. Epilogue

**Dirty Little Secret**

Olivia sat on the hard wooden bench, staring across the narrow hallway. She wasn't really sure that she cared what was happening at this point. Trevor's smug smile as the jury began deliberations was enough to make her heart leap into her throat. She just knew that he would win. He would get away without so much as a slap on the wrist… she knew that the system was going to fail her, even though she'd put all of her energy into making it work.

"Olivia?" Casey asked, sitting down next to her. Olivia fought back the tears that were coming and forced a smile.

"Hey. I'm fine," she said, knowing what the other woman was about to ask her.

"They want to make a deal," Casey told her. Olivia looked away. "I'm not going to offer one, Liv. The jury's not going to acquit…"

"It's never a sure thing, Case. I'm a cop, I know that as well as you do," Olivia whispered. Casey shook her head.

"You know too much," she joked, before turning serious. "Liv, don't get upset. You've got the scars to prove he was abusive, not to mention pictures."

"And no eyewitnesses to say he did it. He managed to manufacture an alibi, Casey! After he confessed to Munch and Fin, he actually made up an alibi, and found someone to lie for him!"

"And he covered his tracks well enough that we can't prove it. But that confession was good enough for something," Casey said, pulling out a blue folder. "If he's acquitted, there's still a restraining order." Olivia smiled, shaking her head.

"You went behind my back and got this?" she asked.

"Call it an insurance policy."

**1234567890**

Olivia watched as the jury slowly filed back into the room.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" Judge Donnelly asked. Olivia's fingers wrapped tightly around the edge of the seat as she waited.

"We have, your honor."

"Please give your verdict to the court officer." The officer brought the verdict to the judge, who quickly read it and sent it back.

"How do you find?"

"We, the jury, find the defendant, Trevor Langan, guilty on all counts," the foreperson said. Olivia closed her eyes and breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't hear the rest of what was said. She didn't need to.

A/n: Okay, I know, sucky ending. But I'm sick of this story, so that's how it ends.


End file.
